Archie Campbell

"Go upstairs for an arena. Or a Mcdonald's. Or use the train to get to an exciting destination such as Salford Crescent or Stalyvegas."

"Buses depart from here. Your best bet is the 100 to Manchester. That will solve any problem you will ever have."

"The part of Urmston that isn't any good..."

"There are some houses and a signal box. If you're a tourist, alight here for an amazing experience through the ages of train travel."

"Getting off here is the best decision you'll ever make."

"I'd leave if I were you. A highly tacky shopping centre."