Matthew Decuir

"If you're about that lo-carb life, you can sub out the rice in any bowl for a veggie base."

"But like...the deviled eggs."

"They don't serve that dinner menu they advertise until after 5."

"Gate code is 2805."

"This gym has 3 stair masters. 2 of them are constantly broken and have been for at least 3 months now."

"Don't complain when someone wants to pay their $1.16 bill with a debit card. It's really bad for business."