Maria Thomas

"Contrary to the title, the spoons here are in fact, quite square."

"Beware of the corner table deck seagull. He can smell your fear. Also, browse for your new yacht next door while waiting for your table buzzer to start talking to you."

"My tip for the employees of Portos if you want to avoid a crossaint induced coronary: Never get high on your own supply."

"Don't mess with it."