Joe Capicola

"Super chill, you guys"

"This is what's wrong with America."

"I tried to play "don't mess with Cupid" to liven the mood in this douchefest, but some dadboner forced "sweet Caroline" in front of me. Lamest turd bar ever."

"Frank: you're a douchebag. Go back to John barleycorn. I'll just chill over here and listen to the live blues band with a washtub bass and drink PBR like a real man."