David Lowther

"By fingers, I mean gingers. And autocorrect can suck my balls"

"Don't ask for water, because the tubby soulless ginger bartender will try to be cute...and fingers are never cute."

"I farted and I'm not at all ashamed."

"I'm addicted to the girl who left a tip about the spicy asiago club"

"A saw no cream of some young guy. Me gusta"

"I used the restroom. They're functional....FOR ME TO POOP ON!!"