Darren Adams

"The 17:15 to Camberley only has 4 carriages. Great planning by South West Trains. Welcome to the Sardine Express."

"Big queues, probably because of the 5p a litre discounts from Tesco."

"People leave their brains at home when they come here. Leave the kids in the car, keep to the walk-ways, reverse into the parking spaces, and don't throw black bin-liners into the garden recycling."

"Branco is a fantastic dentist."

"The Camberley Express zooms into London at the speed of a paraplegic tortoise. Get one of the two direct trains (i.e. no change at Ascot) and you're guaranteed a seat all the way."