Crass Bstard

"This is a holiday camp. Expect mediocrity and you won't be disappointed."

"Great lamacun, only £1.50"

"Keep it simple, stay away from preprocessed stuff like sausages, as they are a bit crap."

"If you get stranded miss your flight, join and do not leave the queue for the transfer desk, no matter how many helpful numbers they give you! Call, but do not leave the queue. From Experience."

"Breakfast is pretty much extortion. Go elsewhere for breakfast. Dinner is good."

"Ask for the wings "hot". Great sauce, not too heavy and it'll leave your lips burnin'"