Clayton Long

"You looking to build some muscle, man? That's good... That's real good."

"The toilet paper in these restrooms should be called John Wayne TP because it's rough & tough and it doesn't take shit from anyone. Seriously, I may have to start brining my own."

"There is no unsweetened tea or diet drinks other than diet Coke. If you don't want to drink sugar then save yourself a couple of bucks and just get a water."

"This JJ's and the Downtown Tampa JJ's do not accept the JJ frequent buyer punch cards. So much for caring about customer loyalty."

"If you hear something that sounds like crying then it is probably just the small child that I just shat out of my ass."

"If you piss all over the seat then (1) you are not handicapped and (2) you are an asshole. To my knowledge, being an asshole is a lifelong affliction."