Chris Mayfield

"If you don't get a Colorado burrito how can you call yourself an American!? GET IT. NOW."

"How did I get here?"

"Chicago Dog is legit. Pretty much all of Vista Ridge works here!"

"All I wanted was a Panda Steak! Even stopped at Ralph's and grabbed some baby spinach, asparagus, butter, and was going to make a Pepper Merlot reduction ... BUT NOOO! FASCISTS."

"Tried to order a Sleepy Zombie and didn't know its a code word .. Got jumped by about 4 burley hipsters & taken to the back. Send help."

"Double order of cheese enchiladas w/ onions times 100 please!!"