Fifteen quid for a day's Internet? Get your money's worth by downloading some massive jpgs
This place reminds me of the time when freedom of information came in, and utility companies had to rewrite their notes on customers, like "oh my god the landing's covered in sick and piss ew".
This place may look like your average convenience store, but there's a great selection of spices and sauces. And massive bags of Pop Chips, which I can only imagine are even healthier
Good massage, but was in at 4:35 and out by 5:20. At 70 quid for an hour, that's £18's worth of screw you
Even if the doors are shutting on the lifts, you can comfortably get to the bottom of the stairs before them. Then hang around going "beat ya, ya massive lose-holes" as they get on the train
If you're on a diet, Bobby's Prawn Cocktail Spirals are the least calorie crisps. Remember: loads of crisps is part of a balanced diet
It's really tough but try not to burst out laughing at some of the bonky-faced pictures of Jesus
Have the lasagne it has got a massive lid of white stuff on it that microwaves up a treat
The complimentary cookie on arrival is produced from under the counter, creating the alarming impression that the receptionist has just laid it
I love a pub where the bar staff play the fruit machines, and I'm not even being a sarcastic cow.
Although Four Square describes it as "Nottingham Train Station (NOT)", it is in fact Nottingham Train Station
There is some classic stuff here. Like this ace green business that art deco aliens would use to serve vinaigrette
Find a carriage that's half first class and half standard, and you can use the posh nobs' free Wifi
If you download the app like they all nag you to, do it before you order. Otherwise, when you ask to add the loyalty points after the meal they'll look at you like you're a massive idiot
