Allan Crain

"If you're not waiting for a seat in the back row, man, what are you even doing with your life?"

"Back row: best ride in the park. Any other row: might as well be sitting quietly on a bench watching everyone's purses."

"Sears is going out of business. The death spiral is nearing completion."

"Hummus & Pita plate is delightfully spicy. Recommended!"

"I don't know what witchcraft they perform to make the sesame tofu so good, but it's worth it."

"Be sure to try the breakfast burritos. The chef here is a genius. A sexy genius."