Lydia Jarvis

"The bar isn't really more fun on your birthday, but you can pretend like it is. If you feel like it."

"Take some time to enjoy the view."

"We run a tight ship here"

"Whenever anybody looks you in the eye or looks like you, punch them in the face."

"If you don't want to look like a fool on national TV, remember to taste your food before offering it to the judgment panel."