Theo Craig

"It looks like the AT&T wifi is no longer available. But you can get wifi for $12.95 per day."

"Okay, this place might actually be haunted. Oh, and the bathroom light switch is one of those pull-chain things."

"Try the saltwater soaking pool!"

"People who come here typically score poorly on spelling tests."

"If ur lookin 4 a futon ur shit outta luck, padre."

"Download a coupon from their website. It will save you $10!"