Kurtis Johnson

"Donald Sterling probably loves it here."

"If/when I die and go to hell, I will be sent here. Forever. On a Saturday afternoon. Forever."

"Margaritas with live scorpions? Crazy scary but fun. Ask the bartender."

"check under the seats. no one really knows why, but there are always $10 bills taped under them. it's only this gate."

"Ask any of the bartenders about Kurtis' King Krab Kocktail. Trust me. Well worth it."

"drink bloody mary's until you're ashamed of yourself"