The ticket machines have moved, they're now behind you on the left as you come out of the south terminal
AMT coffee stall. The one place you can actually buy a coffee rather than americano or daily brew or some other equally shite name. Also, it's small medium and large rather than tall, grande etc!
Dear People of Clapham Junction, keep left and don't stop moving. Much love x
don't get sucked in to the cheap coffee on the main hall, head up stairs and there's a secret Starbucks!
Look out for people staring at their phones as they walk across the concourse. (PS - look up!)
Resist the urge to madly punch other passengers during the morning commute.
Always aim to get the lift to the platforms as escalators very slow
Take NO prisoners when trying to walk across the front of the concourse... Otherwise you'll never get anywhere! (Not that this annoys me on a daily basis... Honest!!)
use the secret entrance to the central line near the Boots store
If your magnetic strip stops working write 09 on your ticket. Then they'll open the barrier without questioning you.
first class virgin is worth it for the free loos, drinks, peace and quiet...
Don't forget to get a Burger King or a pasty to make the train smell!
Save time by turning up 3 hours late for your train. You'll catch it anyway :D
Looking for platform 5? Good luck, because there isn't one.
The concept of keeping to the right is lost upon the zombie-like commuters.
Accidentally discovered that using the lift to get up to the concourse bypasses the ticket barrier. Oops!
Try to make sure you are LEAVING Bracknell, not arriving into it.
Never trust the platform departure signs for the Overland train. They almost never show the real departure time.
If people walking up the stairs have reached the top before you start running down them, you have already missed the train
If you miss your train (or arrive too early) the pub at the end usually has live music to keep you entertained until the next one.
The trains are infrequent past 8pm and the last train leaves Waterloo about 11.
Warning: If you are here, you are in a suburb of Crawley. Get the hell out as soon as possible!
There is a crack whore called sue who gives a great gummie blowie. She hangs by puchinos.
Avoid the place at all costs. Maybe Merseyrail could invest in some disinfectant in a bid to get rid of the smell of stale pee in platform 2 waiting room
Say hello to Felix the station cat. She's very friendly, but is often grubby when she goes down on the track. She will eat anything.
Don't expect the staff to let you through the barrier when your hands are full. Jobsworths!
The Virgin 1st class lounge never check your ticket. Free drinks, snacks, papers and wifi!
Open air platform. Rather cold in winter so bring a jumper or jacket.
Don't spend too much time entering tips onto four square, otherwise you might miss your..... Oh bugger!!!!!
Visit the waiting room by platform 3. Great oak furniture and flooring!
Get yourself an iPad to keep you entertained during the inevitable delays!
Don't use the Selecta food and drink machines. 9 times out of 10 they don't dispense your goods!!!!
Americans: this is pronounced 'Woah-king' & has little to do with stir fry.
Amazing how many people seem to lack the basic skills to use a ticket machine.
Although Four Square describes it as "Nottingham Train Station (NOT)", it is in fact Nottingham Train Station
Trains here are often delayed. Don't you just love Network Southeast.
