Jacob Gray

"The nachos are good, If you like your nachos topped with an entire onion that was shit out of Rosie O'Donnell's rotten turd cutter. Also it was a fucking fortnight before I got a goddamn refill."

"Also, don't bother going into the bathrooms here. The last time I walked into the men's room stall, there was a present shit that resembled a snack pack that had sat in a hot car for 5 months."

"I guess the food is okay. And by okay, I mean I would rather shit, have someone eat my shit, have them shit out my shit, and then eat that with a side of horse dick, rather than eat their food."

"More beautiful than Scarlett Johansson's delicate starfish, and slightly less challenging than a one-legged hooker trying to do a table dance."

"The crew at the front counter here dresses poorly and apparently has an issue with keeping their mouths closed. I mean, fuck. The last time I saw this much drool was when I fucked my wife stupid."

"I swear to gawd, if these parents don't control their children, I'm gonna shove that "wet floor" sign up that kids ass and proceed to Cabrera his sister over to the marathon station nextdoor."