Evan McAllister

"Roll your own cigarettes. And try to talk about your time abroad. Your jeans probably aren't tight enough."

"Wolfgang is the man."

"Little known fact: Burritos are like large tacos."

"There are zero barrels of crackers here."

"Try to be loud. And only use computers for YouTube and facebook. If you want to fit in wear sweatpants or a SnapBack. Say bro a lot."

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."