Dan Gerbang

"Patio is nice. Sit outside. What are you a vampire? It’s good for you. Mezcal Michelada got me drunk as I talked to my ex about my other ex and how hard it is being successful freelance creatives. 5/7"

"This restaurant gave me crabs. Also now all of my clothes are bedazzled, my hair has been straightened and someone seems to have tattooed eyeliner on me. 1/7 YEAH-EE-YEAAAAHS!"

"Your call...make an appointment, wait 3 months and forget it OR go at 7am and wait 2.5 hours. It’s the DVM, what would it be without tedium and bureaucracy? 7644/2166 stamped forms in triplicate"

"They had legally edible substances that fit into my mouth and were chewable. Digestibility tbd. 2/3 chihuahuas."

"Rice bowls. Oat milk lattes. Be nice to the staff, they are great."

"They had lots of gas."